“Acted Unconsciously”

I allowed a person to undermine my decision to take a certain action....by listening and believing this person who was saying I had spent way too much money on something I had committed to....and then I also allowed this persons comments to sink me further into the negative of the action as "I had done it before...same place/time etc" so it seemed like a "waste" of money.....I went deeper and deeper into the dark side of this....I felt guilty about spending the money when I feel I need to be selective and choose wisely...darker and darker.

Then I committed the dark act....I picked up the telephone and called the innocent person who I committed to....and ranted and raved/vented about how I should not have done it etc....she was, of course, helpless to fix or change the situation....it was all my doing and I was the only one who could reconcile my action. I hung up on her though still angry...with myself...and a little with her probably. As soon as I humg up, I was sorry. But sat with it for awhile...over night actually. The next day I bought a card....and sent her a note apologizing for my inappropriate uncalled for telephone call to her....an innocent bystander so to speak...taking full responsibility for my own decision....and declaring that the decision to spend the money on the committment was and still is based on the desire to share time and be with her and our friends at a very special time in our lives....our 70th birthdays. The cost and money is irrelavant...I apologized and humbly asked for her forgiveness.